Week of Madness

A couple of weeks ago, PC Gamer online published a multi-part article entitled "Skyrim: Week of Madness".

The hook was that the author would simply download and install every Skyrim mod he could; without looking at titles, reading descriptions, or checking documentation. He would then attempt to play the game, and record the ensuing wackiness.

When I saw it linked and read it, I just had to pass it on here. The whole ordeal is hilarious, well written, and reminds me strongly of the sort of thing I've run into myself (albeit on a much smaller scale) when installing overhaul mods/mod collections in previous games without enough prior research.

It is, as I said, well written and funny (I especially like the portrayal of Lydia) and I strongly recommend you take the time to read all five days if you're a fan of Gamebryo titles at all; but Skyrim especially.

This Week...

...On Skyrim's Most Inconspicuous Assassins:



What the hell do you mean, we "look suspicious"?





Also: when you can one-shot a frost dragon, you may have abused Skyrim's enchanting and smithing abilities a bit too much. Let's see, 471 damage, times three for the sneak bonus...



Hey, while we're making silly posts no one's going to pay any attention to; do we still have that Daedric helm we found in the Witches' nest?


Yeah; I think so... it's here someplace... Here you go.





*ahem* Ebenezer Scrooge! I am the ghost of Christmas Future! If you do not change your ways, this will be your fate...


Oh, Gods...


Huh. I never figured you for a Dickens fan. Was there some rape and murder I missed in the last retelling of that insipid mess masquerading as literary classic?


No; but like every other person in the western world, I've been subjected to that shit at least a dozen times... and I dunno; while we were roaming the Reach this morning I was looking at the helm and it just kind of hit me...


Yes, but don't worry, audience at home -- I, the demon, am clearly the insane and dangerous one.


I never liked Dickens. So depressing.


Yeah? Well take it from someone who was there: so was Victorian London.


Knock off the fucking social commentary. I'm trying to be either charmingly or disturbingly random. You know, whichever.


Uh huh.


Nos thought it was funny.


Master also thinks farts are funny. What's your point?


Hey, screw you! There's nothing funnier than a beautiful, elegant lady leaning to one side to let one rip completely at random.


You are so gross... And why are you laughing?


...Because it's funny? The Ghost of Christmas Future has spoken!


...Someone find me a bottle of Dwemer jet fuel or something. I don't think mead's going to get me through tonight...

Okay, I Laughed

Seen in a thread this afternoon:

"Is there a load order guide that is actually a load order guide and not some fucking explanation as to what a load order is?"

"No, I'd explain to you why, but I'd be giving you some fucking explanation as to what a load order is."

New Terminology

Reading around the internetz this mornin', happened across a new term: "Skyrimmer"; referencing, of course, people who play Skyrim.

Now, rather than add this to the 'ol mental lexicon for future attempts to appear edgy and cool, I just sat and giggled.

Maybe I've been around the darker side of the 'net too long now, but whenever I say or type the word 'Skyrimmer' I can't help but think it actually refers to a particularly intimate act engaged in by two (or hell, more -- it is the twenty-first century and all... I suppose it could be a group activity...) overly adventurous people whilst sky-diving.

Think about it a minute, you'll get it. And yes, I am that mentally warped, thanks for asking.

...I have to go now; I'm having too much difficulty repressing the urge to make more dirty jokes...

Finishing Touches

So, the yearly Day of No Nos Modding starts in a bit over four hours. I'm throwing the final touches onto NCCS v0.8 to go ahead and get it uploaded (since the whole "release an early alpha and get testing data" thing seems to have been a massive bust) before I go dark.

No new code, I'm just throwing in some new dialogue. Greetings at the moment. Specialist "packaged" companions will get special greetings (they won't appear every time, but will be chosen randomly from the list that the companion meets the requirements for from a list of things like gender, alignment, and skill package). Right now I'm writing in some alignment-specific dialogue, and wondering if people will consider the evil/very evil dialogue a bit much. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to do it anyway... I just wonder.

The offending dialogue? Things like:

"I'm not selling Ultrajet to orphans! Who said I was? I'll sue the hell out of them..."

"Hey, uh... no reason to go into more detail about this, but if someone should happen to come along and mention I had something to do with beating a sack of dead puppies; I was with you the entire time, okay? "

"Is violence impending? No? Then why are you bothering me...?"

"You know, I could be at home watching my Soaps right now."

Of course, there are others. Medic-greetings based on player health and rad levels; repairer and reloading greetings; some for recruited companions only, some only for non-recruited; a couple for female companions only that may get me attacked by feminists.

Also:

"Ugh. That gecko isn't sitting well. We may want to sleep outside tonight... s'all I'm saying..."

BECAUSE FART JOKES ARE ALWAYS FUNNY, DAMN IT!


Edit, and from the "Behavior" menu:

"Oh Gods yes; I love it when you micromanage me! Do it more!"

Must resist urge to have the companion refer to the player as Mein Fuhrer...

Morrowind Child Abuse

Occasionally, mods can randomly converge with unexpected results. I discovered just such a convergence while playing Morrowind with Puma Man's Wilderness Mod and Children of Morrowind...

Apparently in the town of Caldera, the children are kept in the same pen with the farm animals!

So They Get a Motel Room...

Bored this evening, awaiting the new seasons of Futurama and Ugly Americans to start; happened to browse across some chan boards.

You see a lot of video game posts in such places. Especially hypotheticals. "The protagonist from the last video game you played is now the MC of the last anime you watched, what changes?" et cetera.

Tonight's pointless post with four hundred replies? "The protagonists from the last two games you played are now having sex with each other."

...This is too stupid for me not to keep reading.

And, oh! The answers given...

"Pokemon Trainer Red and Mega Man. Eh, I'm sure that's a fanfic somewhere."

"If I use the term protagonist loose enough for it to work with the last two games I played, that would mean Raynor (StarCraft 2) is having romantic affairs with Bismarck (Civ4), and that's simply historically inaccurate."

"Oh shi-

The Jedi Exile is getting gangbanged by everyone who isn't Galactus in MvC3.

:<"

"that's great, because that means the loli girl from recettear is getting plowed by heavy weapons guy, THANKS GUYS I LOVE HAVING NIGHTMARES"

"So, Geralt from The Witcher is having sex with Hawke from Dragon Age 2 right now... A male warrior Hawke.

I'm not as Ok with this as I thought I would be..."

Hold on, I'm giggling so hard I can't breathe at that last image...

"Female High Elf mage from Morrowind
and
Female Malkavian from VtM: Bloodlines"

Y'know, I always thought the female Malk in Bloodlines would be a tiger in the sack. Batshit insane tends to do that.

"John Shepard and John Shepard.

Oh my."

"Let's see, I'd say I'm the protagonist of EVE, so me, and... Master Chief... fuck..."

"Master Chief and Samus. Well, that went better than expected."

Huh, I think VGCats did that comic already...

"Blonde female Courier from New Vegas and female Commander Shepard from the second Mass Effect.

My courier is an unarmed specialist. I foresee fisting, and now I have a boner."

Well, I could have lived without that visual, thanks.

"Femshepard and Ladyhawke.

Not even shitting you."

You know, I remember Ladyhawke. It wasn't a bad movie, I don't care what the critics say... what's that? As in female Hawke of DA2? Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense, then.

"F.E.A.R 1, 2 and 3 put together.

So New Point Man and Paxton Fettel are raping Samuel Beckett while themselves getting fisted by Old Point Man.

Pretty much sums up my opinion of the game's quality."


What would my answer be?

Well, I was playing Sins of a Solar Empire last; which doesn't have a protagonist... so I suppose I'd have to kick back to the two games before that, which would be: my redhead female Horkew (wolf girl) character in Oblivion, and a male Nosferatu in Bloodlines (never have actually finished a playthrough as a sewer rat, so was trying again).

Now... I have watched some screwed up porn in my day -- and enacted some other screwed up stuff via video games and mods thereof... but I can say with pretty good certainty, that is one video I would not be buying a copy of. I... really don't want to see a Nosferatu naked, thanks. Like, at all. Ever. Even a female one.

So, what say you, moderately loyal readers? Care to play? Can you top my soul-scarring answer?

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go start a new Bloodlines game with a female Toreador character, answer the question again; and figure out a way to film that shit. I'll make a mint...

Doom New Vegas

Okay, so I think I'm finally finished with my first big Doom mod...

...maybe now I can get back into modding the Fallout games...