Sunday, November 14, 2010

Nos' Adventures - Thoughts on New Vegas

Since I'm well beyond too pissed off to mod this eve... er, morning now... I thought I'd have a sit-down with my two favorite girls in the whole damned universe, and get your thoughts on the new digs.


No bloodshed this time?

No, no bloodshed this time. So, we've logged about ten hours... thoughts?

I think I'm not even in the damned game!

They haven't ported your hair, yet. You've seen Maeva - she has a bald spot with that uncorrected hair. I have to keep her wearing a helmet.

That's right... taunt the demon. What could possibly go wrong?

Slack bastards! They need to hurry up. That, or make a version of that Conformulator thingy that doesn't fucking crash when you try to use it.

Focus, tangent, off-topic, et cetera.

I. Hate. The. Fucking. Desert. Seriously?! Another desert waste?! Why can't they focus one of these damned games in the Sawtooths? We could take over Sun Valley, rule our empire from a converted ski lodge... It would be so nice. Plus, ski bunnies!

I dunno; we haven't seen the Strip yet, but I always thought Vegas was pretty groovy. I spent some time there back in the '60s - uh, the 1960s, that is. The Rat Pack was big at the time, you know. Caught some shows, got wasted on some truly excellent single-malt. You wouldn't believe how much hot cabaret dancer tail you can get as a mysterious high roller...

Oh, come on! The Nevada wastes are every bit as much a pile of shit as the DC wastes. We don't even have a decent place to live. I never thought I'd miss that converted tin can in the ground...

What? I leased us that motel room.

Reminds me of a motor-lodge I stayed at in Trenton, once. Suppose it's better than sleeping in the sagebrush, but beyond that I don't know.

It's only got one bed! I don't like that damned demon rubbing up against you like that when we sleep!

There's enough of him to go around. I've already told you: I may occasionally want to borrow, but I won't try to keep him...

And I've told you that I'll cut your fucking demon heart out with a rusty spork and hand it to you.

Ladies - and believe me, some days I have to use that term loosely - can we please be civil? I'd ask you to kiss and make up, but I know you both swing that way; and death-by-marathon-three-way isn't on my list of acceptable ways to die, believe it or not. Let's talk about the new factions. What's your take, there?

Goodsprings is a shithole, and I still don't like the way that 'Sunny' skank was looking at you when you weren't paying attention.

Not impressed, myself. Standard cliche garbage, mostly. NCR are douchebags. Supposedly some Brotherhood around, too, I think? We need to find the Legion, though. They sound fun. Toga! Toga! Toga! Libations and slave-girls!

Brotherhood! I was hoping I'd never see them again. Goodie two-shoes, tin can wearing, boy scout, motherfuckers! I swear, if you make me deal with that Lyons bitch one more time... (The ranting continues for some time.)

So, uh, Maeva: you really think the Legion will be okay to side with?

Eh, they'll probably try to fuck us. Figuratively, hopefully. I fully expect you to be your usual evil bastard self and try to destroy everyone who isn't us.

Plan A has always worked well in the past, and if we get full control of ARCHIMEDES II...

Ideally, but remember the writers. That whole Highwater Trousers thing was a complete waste of our time. Though it was amusing when you first heard the word Archimedes. You know you grinned and muttered "death ray"?

Is it my fault I have an interest in history and know what Archimedes was famous for?

...and Goddammit I never signed the Geneva convention, so I don't know why I should be held to it! It was just the one incident with a Ka-Bar and some dental tools...

...Oh, man that woman scares me sometimes, even after all these years...

Heh, yeah... I keep expecting her to grow horns any day now. How's that glorified eye-bot going, anyway?

ED-E? He's the Yugo of companions. I expect him to burst into flame any moment. Why, I ask you, can't the robot companions in these games ever be hot? Something akin to a Persocom, with a nice, big set of... eyes... Yeah, that's it...

Agreed. I loves me some big, bouncy, firm eyes.

It's not my fault a badger wandered into the tent where he was tied up! There was also no way I could possibly know it was rabid, or that it had a taste for bait and tackle!



And I swear I was not the one who gave that initiate the Bloody Eagle! There were roving bands of Norsemen, I tell you!

I uh... think I'm going to end this conversation, now; before she starts speaking in tongues or such...

Good move, Master. Might I suggest we also run like fucking hell? Don't look back - you may become a pillar of salt.


  1. @Maeva:

    If you were on the Vegas Strip back in the 1960s that would make you considerably older than you appear. What do you do to stay looking so youthful and fit? Or is it just an effortless perk that comes from being a demon?

  2. "I'm a demon, honey. Well... half demon. We don't age the way you humans do. My mother used to tell stories about hanging around with the Sumerians... so that should give you an idea how old she was."

  3. Su-who-ians? Oh... you mean like Conan, right? Or was that Cimmerians?

    "Great Crom, at last I know the answer to the Riddle of Steel!"

  4. Any plans to add a photo of Miss.Horns in a black and white photo meant to be her from her trip to vegas?


  5. @Herculine:

    You, my dear, should have paid more attention in history class...

    Oh, who am I kidding. I know perfectly well no US highschool covers Sumer.

    "Sumer (from Akkadian Šumeru; Sumerian, approximately "land of the civilized lords" or "native land") was a civilization and historical region in southern Mesopotamia, modern Iraq during the Chalcolithic and Early Bronze Age.

    The dynastic period of Sumer spans the Uruk period (5th millennium BC), followed by the proto-historical early dynastic period (early 3rd millennium BC) and the dynastic period of Sumer proper in the mid 4th millennium BC, until the conquest of Sumer by the Akkadians around 2400 BC. Native Sumerian rule re-emerged for about a century in the so-called Sumerian Renaissance of the 21st to 20th century (short chronology).

    The cities of Sumer were the first civilization to practice intensive, year-round agriculture, by 5000 BC showing the use of core agricultural techniques including large-scale intensive cultivation of land, mono-cropping, organized irrigation, and the use of a specialized labor force. The surplus of storable food created by this economy allowed the population to settle in one place instead of migrating after crops and grazing land. It also allowed for a much greater population density, and in turn required an extensive labor force and division of labor. Sumer was also the site of early development of writing, progressing from a stage of proto-writing in the mid 4th millennium BC to writing proper by 3000 BC (see Jemdet Nasr)."

    Conan would have been a Cimmerian, as I recall - a totally made up civilization that was more Norse than Mesopotamian; as well as possessing steel forging capability, which they obviously did not in Mesopotamia in 4000BC.

  6. @Ulrek:

    Hadn't really planned on it, since I wouldn't have assumed a photograph would survive being carried around for three hundred years; two of which were in a nuclear wasteland...

    But now that you mention it, that does sound interesting. I think I'll have a look through the NV casino cells and see if I can come up with anything that looks suitably pre-war...

  7. Thank you for clearing that up and enlightening me. Yes, unfortunately I went to one of those high schools where the last four years are simply repeated recaps of everything that was previously taught, so in effect we all stopped learning anything new once we hit our ninth grade, the high school freshman year in our school system. My home town was small enough to have only one high school and a community full of parents who either were too ignorant to complain or simply didn't care. So yeah, we didn't cover Sumer.

    But my self-awareness classes from rehab taught me that not everything in my life is everybody else's fault. So in defense of my school system I should probably mention that it's also difficult to learn anything in school when you're drunk and stoned most of the time.

  8. Well, I wasn't going to bring up the baked and toasted bit... but yeah.

    Like I said before, I didn't do public highschool. I damn near slept through my courses and still had my diploma at sixteen. (Civics. is. SO. BORING.) But, I did pay attention when my brother was in the "premier" highschool in this area.

    When he wasn't smoking pot, getting drunk, or trying to fuck various pieces of skanky tail, the only things he learned in school were sex ed and trigonometry.

    Wild hedonism seems to be par for the course for teenagers these days.

    Why he needed to know trigonometry is beyond me. It doesn't seem to be terribly useful in his career as the night clerk at a two and a half star hotel... but what do I know?

    S'kinda funny: the boy took pre-college algebra, but can't balance a goddamned checkbook... and still hasn't figured out the concept of "overdraft fees"... let alone how to avoid them.