Sunday, July 24, 2011

Hijack!



Hello unwashed, ignorant masses of the internet!



Beautiful way to open. Would you like to throw in something about fucking all their mothers, too; just to go ahead and insult the six people not already pissed?


Shut up; you're fucking up my introduction! Anyway... Mystery-chan here...


...Mystery-chan? God, he's let you watch anime again, hasn't he...?


Yes, he has. Now shut up and let me finish. I've hijacked Nos' blogger account (the sexy fool has set Firefox to automatically log in, so it was a breeze) here to update you all on some goings-on, since Nos himself is still in mopey-bitch mode.


What, still? Is he still going on about the pen...?


No, I'm afraid it's more serious. You see, serfs-in-the-home-audience, Nos has been so quiet this last week because he hurt himself. Badly. Damaged muscles from the base of the skull, through the left side of the back, and down the left arm. For most of the week, he couldn't even hold up a glass with the left hand; and after a spectacularly failed attempt to hold a rifle on Thursday, he's been kind of emo -- and of course, there's the usual problems: sleeping no more than three hours at a time, and stupid people fucking with his mods and then complaining they don't work. So! Since he's had screenshots piling up for over a month, I thought I'd cull the herd a bit and get some up for public view!


Uh, question! Why do you have wings?


I'm a succubus. We're supposed to have wings. Neat, huh? Nos found them hiding in Apachii's Heroes store. Much better than those plastic-looking things in the Goddess store, oh yes...


...And why Mystery-chan? You have a name, Sis...


I do, and you know perfectly well my rules about it being publicly entered into this blog. Mystery-chan seemed less bad than redacting every instance where someone calls me by name.


Er, yeah... okay, I guess...


So, our intrepid anti-hero recently bored of his previous Oblivion game, since the one involving that horkew slut was mostly a test game to get Lovers all worked out. Since that was done, he got tired of populating the world with little redheads of death. Trouble was, our glorious plugin was in a... transitory state. It was midway through some texture tests, and when loaded into the new MBP-friendly game, we sort of looked like shit.


Like we'd been buried up to the neck in the sand and left; our poor heads unprotected from sunburn for days on end...


Yeah, you looked especially bad.


Bitch.


Fortunately, after more than four and a half years of practice, Nos is fairly handy at optimizing NPCs, so once he quit stalling and just did it, we were worked back into our former glory, and then some.


I still miss my proper eyes... but at least I don't have to worry about a bald spot in this game.


I miss my guns.


And I miss Marge-heavy episodes of the Simpsons that didn't suck. We've all got problems.





As you can see here, I suspect the new game may be the harbinger of the apocalypse. If it is, I say bring it on; I'm tired of observing what few social niceties I do. Also, the game designers didn't count on us being rather protective of the boy. Those poor, poor goblins...


It was really cool, though! Nos expanded his custom combat styles into Oblivion with the last version of our plugin. At one point, this Goblin made a jump-attack at Maeva; she blocked, causing him to bounce off, and then took the smelly little bastard out of the air with her claymore! I'd like to see someone else's companions pull that off.


Eh, it's just like playing pinata, except with more bleeding and screaming. Less blindfolding, too, now that I think of it. Maybe baseball would be the better analogy? Hmm...


After sodomizing the assassins with their own weapons, we bid a less-than-tearful farewell to that whiny, worthless, douche Baurus, and rampaged our way out of the sewers. I, for one, was tired of smelling human waste and tripping over Goblins too stupid to flee from my obvious greatness.


Don't forget to tell them how modest you are, too.


Hey! I'll have you know I am the most modest motherfucker in the room! I'm all about the humility. No one's better at it than I.


...I don't think that's how modesty works... uh, Mystery-Sis-chan-whatever.


Once out of the sewers, that sweet boy took us on a shopping trip through the nearby Goddess store.


He had to! He forgot to put regular clothes in our inventories, so once MCS with its auto-dress-changing feature was activated, we were all walking around town naked!


It was five thirty in the morning. It's not like anyone saw us...


I didn't mind so much. It was a little breezy, but I don't mind showing off the goods now and then. Plus, we did find skirts and shoes in those crates around the marketplace.


Walking around in public topless is almost as bad as naked! I am not walking around showing off any goods. You guys are total pervs.


You say that as though it's supposed to bother me...


Don't look at me. I don't have a sense of shame to begin with. We actually ended up having to make a second trip through, after Natasha complained that Nos dressed her like a whore.


It was one of those cleavage-dress things! I didn't want to walk around with the tops of my boobs hanging out for all to see!


They're called evening gowns, and that was a rather nice one. Floor length red velvet with gold trim... it was quite stylish.


Then why didn't you wear it, and give me the button-up shirt and skirt?


Red's not really my color for dresses. I'm more a fan of the old standby black. While we were in there again, Maeva opted to swap her black dress for another one, because apparently she is the anti-Natasha and prefers to walk around with partial tits hanging out.


Hey, I look good in a Cheongsam, and I figure if you've got it, flaunt it...





So you can see here where Natasha got her new black dress with a higher neckline. Once that was done, we needed armor:





Hey, I thought you didn't like walking around with skin showing?


What? Shorts are okay. It's not like I was wearing a steel thong like someone.


You're just jealous you don't have these wondrous legs and ass to show off.


He even sprang for eye protection. Though of course I take my wings off for fighting. They tend to get in the way. You know, it's a little sad, though; I mean, enough Septims were spent on our outfits and accessories to just about fully outfit the pirate base. Though, of course, even that wasn't enough, and the modding continued...





This guy is the first creature companion Nos has ever made, for any game. He was a little hesitant about publicly showing it, since it might run the risk of reigniting the calls for a creature framework for RR and NCCS -- but I made the decision for him. Make no mistake, this pooch is male, too -- he was created with Alienslof's Hellhound mesh and texture, and we all know what kinds of meshes she does. Nos was going to name him 'Spot', but I punched him, so he decided on Ysgithr...


Gesundheit.


That joke wasn't funny the first time you made it, and it's not funny now. Then, he got to messing around with MBP some more:





I don't see the appeal, myself. I know he was just seeing if he could replicate some of the more impressive screenshots posted in various forums over the years, but really... why anyone would see that as an improvement over the perfectly pallid beauty that is me... er, us, I will never understand.


No accounting for taste?


I think most people just don't have any taste. But because I'm so nice, here, have another of the glory that is me; without that harsh lighting in effect:





What, not going to close the hijack by striking some more poses for the people? I'm sure we could find a pole for you to work...


You want poses, huh? Fine!





Freshen your drink, Ma'am?


...Why do you have a waitress' outfit? ...Why did you have it handy in the first place...? What's been going on after I go to bed...?


Now don't go besmirching my character, or...





...Mahou Shojo Mystery-chan will punish you in the name of love and peace!


Oh, wow! That's really cute, Sis!


...God? I know we haven't been on the best of terms over the years, what with me torching that abbey and all... but if you're out there and listening? Please, please let someone have dropped a tab of acid into my wine glass earlier. Otherwise, I am seeing quite possibly the most wrong shit in the history of the world.


Don't be that way, Oni-sama! Now, where's that disc with the Sailor Moon theme on it...


Wow. You made a demon run away and hide...


That big drama queen. I happen to have a lovely singing voice.


Yeah I know... but I think it was more the soul-scarring mental image of one of the most sadistic people in the world dressed as a magical girl, singing that theme in an apparently-sincere manner. I've been around you my whole life and to be honest it still kinda creeps me out.


Yeah, sure. I'm out of screenshots to post anyway. Think I'll go find Nos and see if I can talk him into watching some more Kampfer with me.


Oh great, just what you need in your life: more anime...

6 comments:

  1. hahahah, amusing as hell. And I approve of the shot in the Amy Sorel outfit doing the idol V-sign. Oh yeah, and of the Kampher watching too. ^_^

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  2. A little quality hentai never hurts anyone.

    But Mystery-chan, I have to ask you: why do you take your wings off for combat? Surely Nos could have made them permanent in a tail slot or something. Don't let him start slacking now...

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  3. Oh, great. Y'know, I've told her: if you want to post, just say so, and create a Google account; I'll authorize it for posting access. But nooooooo. My account has to be commandeered so I look even more schizo than usual...

    Also: Kampfer is not hentai. It's... ecchi, at the most -- fan service galore, but very little in the way of actual nudity. Well, so far... we are only through episode seven; I suppose it could take a hardcore turn, yet. I'm having difficulty watching it, as I keep getting the urge to jump up and yell "just fuck her already you moron!"

    On the wings: yeah, that's mostly slacking on my part. MCS' extension that handles the dress options has a simple criteria: when your (the player) weapons are sheathed, companions in tow can only wear items with an armor value of zero. No shields, no weapons, no ammo; just clothes, and jewelry. When you draw weapons, they revert to normal equipping behavior, and will wear whatever they have, but prioritize based on armor value. Those wings from Apachii's have an armor of zero, the eye-shield glasses in the armor shot have an armor of three, I think. Both use the tail slot -- so as not to unequip the seam-hider necklace -- so when equipping goes to normal, glasses beat wings; but being an armor zero item, the wings usually get unequipped anyway. I need to make up a second set that have an AV of at least one, and have her carry both to swap back and forth in either outfit.

    Lastly: the brown-girl companion in the screenshot is a Chocolate Elf of the lop-eared subspecies, and her name is Osira. She is an archer/assassin meant to compliment a magic-centric character; and is a rank four member of the Dark Brotherhood.

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  4. Schizos are never alone, I've heard...

    To who ever is taking responsibility for the post, I loved it. That is a very different look for Maeva than what I am used to. I didn't realize it was her until she responed to her name.

    Nos, I hope you are feeling better soon.

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  5. I agree both on the hoping you are feeling better and that Maeva looks the same and yet different somehow. She's less imposing somehow.

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  6. It's the eyes.

    I managed to find a set in Nequam's repertoire that had the correct mottled "fiery" glow... but they're round pupiled, rather than vertical slit.

    You would be amazed how much those eyes add to her "look".

    I'd have rectified it my damned self already... but eyes don't work the same in Oblivion. I haven't been able to get the layered technique I use in the Fallouts to work on it, so I can't just copy the stuff directly; and I can't reproduce the mottled look in the texture itself. Maybe if I found the right brush... but it would still be dicey.

    Also, since NPCs can't be copied between the games, I had to start her from scratch for FO3. It would be more appropriate to say that the Fallout Maeva doesn't look right, since she's the later copy. That said, the FO Maeva is much more refined, since that's where I've done most of my companion work, and of course she's gotten a hundred times the exposure that the Oblivion model has. The two are actually closer now than ever; during the recent update of the plugin I revamped her, trying to get her closer to the FO version (which feels more "real" to me, too, at this point)... but as we all know, what you see ain't what you get in the CS facegen. It's what you call an ongoing process...

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