I'm Sorry Too

I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

It's extremely annoying when I have to fix other people's mods before I can play them.

Lately I've been focusing my attention on Morrowind, getting my install with around 200 mods running properly so I can actually enjoy playing it from time to time. This has involved my having to fix a few mods created by other people just to get them to work properly. I wanted to take this opportunity to rant about one such instance which particularly pissed me off to the point of spouting profanity out loud.

For those of you unfamiliar with Morrowind modding I'll try to keep the techno-babble brief, but suffice it to say it's a tad different from modding Oblivion or the Fallouts and in some ways more difficult. For leveled lists and dialog to work properly merged patches have to be created and this can pose unique problems if you're working on a mod or simply adding something new to your load order in mid-game. In Oblivion, for example, you can drop in some new companion characters, load up a save and go on about your merry way (most of the time; I know there are a few exceptions). If you try to do this in Morrowind, however, you're likely to end up seeing duplicate copies of every modded NPC, creature or item in the game, then you have to use a utility to delete or re-sequence the records in your saved game to hopefully fix the issues, as well as having to recreate all those merged lists I mentioned.

So my character is level 4 now, and I decide to add a few newly-discovered mods to my game as I'm playing along. The mods just add some dungeons and NPCs, so this should be simple enough. As expected, however, I get some of these doubling effects produced by some of my previously installed mods and I set out to take all the measures necessary to fix the problems. I recreate all the merged patches and clean my save game as directed, then I load up my game and still see a duplicate NPC walking around. So I go through the entire cleaning process again, and again the duplicates are there. Thinking I must have missed something or not done it properly, I go through the process again. Still the duplicates are there. I try the suggestion of making the .esp into an .esm and then go through the cleaning process yet again. Still the duplicate NPC is there. Finally I get so frustrated that I simply give up and go to bed.

This morning I felt like trying again, but this time I had the presence of mind to find out which mod contains the NPC that's being duplicated and open it in the CS to see if maybe the issue is in the plugin itself. I normally would have done this sooner, but the mod is entitled "Clean Dungeon Mages"; in the world of Morrowind mods, having the word "clean" as the first word in the mod title supposedly indicates that it has been cleaned of all the unnecessary cell references and GMSTs that cause major problems with plugins for this game and the mod is thus totally safe to use. But guess what I discover when I open the mod in the editor?

That's right... the mod author placed two copies of the same NPC in the same cell. No fucking wonder I couldn't get rid of the duplicate from my saved game! I've wasted an entire evening and most of the following morning trying to remove something that can't be removed from the save because it's in the fucking plugin itself!

So to TrevorDemented, author of "Clean Dungeon Mages", I would simply like to say this:

Thanks a lot, you fucking moron!

And with that, I bid the rest of you have a good day...

Insert Wittiness Here

Finally got my FNV and NVGECK updated.

Now, I get to spend several mind numbingly boring hours testing every facet of NCCS I can think of; only to find out in a week and a half that I completely missed some minor detail and it no longer works -- or the new engine version has introduced a bug when combined with (insert name of badly written, half-assedly tested mod here). All just so Bethsoft can release another patch to go with the next DLC, and this crap can start all over.

What's that you say? My personal companions don't run on NCCS, so I can't even use them for the tests? I have to enable an NCCS plugin, track down another companion, and equip them; then begin testing?

Thank you. I had almost managed to forget that. Allow me to thank you for reminding me by granting you a NosCo knighthood. Kneel over there.

...What? I know it looks funny, but I assure you this double-chainsaw I stole from Herculine's stash is too how you knight someone. Now hold still. You folks in the front row may want to get your tarps handy...

I'm Sorry

I know, I said I wasn't going to bitch about stupid people anymore. It accomplishes little, and just starts drama... but goddamn it, guys...

I'm not sure which group is worse: the players who can't read or navigate a web site; or the Bethsoft employee who's too lazy to add NV links to the GECK wiki.

Today marks almost a dozen players reporting some form of "problem" with NCCS that ended up relating to the NVGECK/Game 1.3 update (or more specifically: not having them) -- just in the last two weeks. We're averaging one every other day now; combined from comment and PM sources.

Herculine and NeilUK02 have valiantly tried to step in and help these people while I've been in dick mode and largely ignoring the Nexii... but the latest few are even ignoring posts with the proper links when they're specifically pointed out.

As such, I've edited the NCCS file description, to add a notice and hotlink right under the NosCo banner; along with a notice not to report problems until both game and GECK have been updated.

Yes, I linked to the EULA page and not the file direct. I'm not up for being sued for trying to subvert their legalese, thanks.

Now look, I'll grant that Bethsoft's Fallout site is not the most intuitive around... but five minutes of clicky clicky on links that look like they might have something to do with the NVGECK will turn up the file. Beyond that, a ten second internet search for "New Vegas GECK 1.3" turns it up. Seriously. The first post in the first result had a link. I also see hits from Nexus news posts, Yahoo answers, the Wolflore forum, Steam's forums... it's not like the file is being secreted away somewhere.

Unlike the toolset for Dragon Age, Bethsoft really isn't screwing us over on GECK availability.

So please, I implore you: for the love of all that's unholy, update your damned games and toolsets before crying foul and reporting "issues" with a mod -- be it mine or someone else's. Us modders aren't psychic. We don't know that you hate the establishment and so never update your games but still expect all mods to work.


Edit: and apparently Bethsoft has now released an NVGECK 1.4, and not bothered to tell anyone or update the main site.

You fuckers at Bethsoft aren't making this easy for anyone, you know that?

Morrowind Child Abuse

Occasionally, mods can randomly converge with unexpected results. I discovered just such a convergence while playing Morrowind with Puma Man's Wilderness Mod and Children of Morrowind...

Apparently in the town of Caldera, the children are kept in the same pen with the farm animals!

So They Get a Motel Room...

Bored this evening, awaiting the new seasons of Futurama and Ugly Americans to start; happened to browse across some chan boards.

You see a lot of video game posts in such places. Especially hypotheticals. "The protagonist from the last video game you played is now the MC of the last anime you watched, what changes?" et cetera.

Tonight's pointless post with four hundred replies? "The protagonists from the last two games you played are now having sex with each other."

...This is too stupid for me not to keep reading.

And, oh! The answers given...

"Pokemon Trainer Red and Mega Man. Eh, I'm sure that's a fanfic somewhere."

"If I use the term protagonist loose enough for it to work with the last two games I played, that would mean Raynor (StarCraft 2) is having romantic affairs with Bismarck (Civ4), and that's simply historically inaccurate."

"Oh shi-

The Jedi Exile is getting gangbanged by everyone who isn't Galactus in MvC3.

:<"

"that's great, because that means the loli girl from recettear is getting plowed by heavy weapons guy, THANKS GUYS I LOVE HAVING NIGHTMARES"

"So, Geralt from The Witcher is having sex with Hawke from Dragon Age 2 right now... A male warrior Hawke.

I'm not as Ok with this as I thought I would be..."

Hold on, I'm giggling so hard I can't breathe at that last image...

"Female High Elf mage from Morrowind
and
Female Malkavian from VtM: Bloodlines"

Y'know, I always thought the female Malk in Bloodlines would be a tiger in the sack. Batshit insane tends to do that.

"John Shepard and John Shepard.

Oh my."

"Let's see, I'd say I'm the protagonist of EVE, so me, and... Master Chief... fuck..."

"Master Chief and Samus. Well, that went better than expected."

Huh, I think VGCats did that comic already...

"Blonde female Courier from New Vegas and female Commander Shepard from the second Mass Effect.

My courier is an unarmed specialist. I foresee fisting, and now I have a boner."

Well, I could have lived without that visual, thanks.

"Femshepard and Ladyhawke.

Not even shitting you."

You know, I remember Ladyhawke. It wasn't a bad movie, I don't care what the critics say... what's that? As in female Hawke of DA2? Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense, then.

"F.E.A.R 1, 2 and 3 put together.

So New Point Man and Paxton Fettel are raping Samuel Beckett while themselves getting fisted by Old Point Man.

Pretty much sums up my opinion of the game's quality."


What would my answer be?

Well, I was playing Sins of a Solar Empire last; which doesn't have a protagonist... so I suppose I'd have to kick back to the two games before that, which would be: my redhead female Horkew (wolf girl) character in Oblivion, and a male Nosferatu in Bloodlines (never have actually finished a playthrough as a sewer rat, so was trying again).

Now... I have watched some screwed up porn in my day -- and enacted some other screwed up stuff via video games and mods thereof... but I can say with pretty good certainty, that is one video I would not be buying a copy of. I... really don't want to see a Nosferatu naked, thanks. Like, at all. Ever. Even a female one.

So, what say you, moderately loyal readers? Care to play? Can you top my soul-scarring answer?

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go start a new Bloodlines game with a female Toreador character, answer the question again; and figure out a way to film that shit. I'll make a mint...

HAY GUIZE!

WHY WONT DIS NCCS THNG WERK

I DONT NED 2 HAF TEH NEWST PATCH R GCK R NETHNG DO I LOLWTFBBQLMNOP

SUM1HELPMEH!!113FORTYSEVENSIXTEENTWELVEEXTRAECLAMATIONPOINTSSOYOUKNOWIMSUPERSERIOUS!


How many does this make, just this week, now? Four? And it's Thursday?

I'm apparently going to have to add a rather large notice to the file entry. Even auto-update in Steam obviously cannot defeat the anti-patchers...

In other news: the NosCo CEO has announced this morning that his company will shortly be attempting to corner the market on Russian vodka. This is not an attempt to expand business, but for the founder to drink himself into oblivion. And now, here's Dave with your five day forecast...

Coming Soon?

So... I know probably not most, but at least a few people have lamented the fact that Oblivion seems to get all the good adult mods. FO3/NV have been largely left out in the cold; with only a couple attempts -- neither of which actually worked worth a shit.

I was cruising that screenshot database this morning since I hadn't for a few days now, and ran across this shot (and fair warning, it's very NSFW).

Now, I don't know what forums the discussion surrounding that mod is taking place in, and considering the GUI is in Russian I doubt it would do me very much good if I did know... but apparently someone out there is working on these things.

I'd also like to know why the stick of dynamite in that screenshot has "inert" written on it... but that's a separate issue entirely.


Edit: and y'know, I'm beginning to remember this morning why I've been backing out of modding publicly more and more this year.

"Things is though - i'm fine with Super Mutants not raping since in the lore they are asexual. The FEV retracts/covers over/makes their genitals drop off."

"False. Real supermutants (the ones from Fallout 1 and 2, and which the NV supermutants are) are sterile, in that they can't breed, but they aren't asexual. They still have all their parts and still enjoy using them.

Now, in Bethesda's east coast lowest common denominator non-offensive post-apocalyptic theme park that is Fallout 3, the supermutants are asexual. On the other hand, the supermutants in Fallout 3 aren't proper supermutants because the process that makes them is different. There's also no good explanation of how they came to be."


Real Supermutants.

REAL. SUPER. MUTANTS.

Gods, they're arguing about reality in made up universes again...

One thing about it, though: lore-mongers do handily keep my desire to try FO1 or 2 completely destroyed so that I don't spend dozens of hours playing through them.