Bored this evening, awaiting the new seasons of Futurama and Ugly Americans to start; happened to browse across some chan boards.
You see a lot of video game posts in such places. Especially hypotheticals. "The protagonist from the last video game you played is now the MC of the last anime you watched, what changes?" et cetera.
Tonight's pointless post with four hundred replies? "The protagonists from the last two games you played are now having sex with each other."
...This is too stupid for me not to keep reading.
And, oh! The answers given...
"Pokemon Trainer Red and Mega Man. Eh, I'm sure that's a fanfic somewhere."
"If I use the term protagonist loose enough for it to work with the last two games I played, that would mean Raynor (StarCraft 2) is having romantic affairs with Bismarck (Civ4), and that's simply historically inaccurate."
The Jedi Exile is getting gangbanged by everyone who isn't Galactus in MvC3.
"that's great, because that means the loli girl from recettear is getting plowed by heavy weapons guy, THANKS GUYS I LOVE HAVING NIGHTMARES"
"So, Geralt from The Witcher is having sex with Hawke from Dragon Age 2 right now... A male warrior Hawke.
I'm not as Ok with this as I thought I would be..."
Hold on, I'm giggling so hard I can't breathe at that last image...
"Female High Elf mage from Morrowind
Female Malkavian from VtM: Bloodlines"
Y'know, I always thought the female Malk in Bloodlines would be a tiger in the sack. Batshit insane tends to do that.
"John Shepard and John Shepard.
"Let's see, I'd say I'm the protagonist of EVE, so me, and... Master Chief... fuck..."
"Master Chief and Samus. Well, that went better than expected."
Huh, I think VGCats did that comic already...
"Blonde female Courier from New Vegas and female Commander Shepard from the second Mass Effect.
My courier is an unarmed specialist. I foresee fisting, and now I have a boner."
Well, I could have lived without that visual, thanks.
"Femshepard and Ladyhawke.
Not even shitting you."
You know, I remember Ladyhawke. It wasn't a bad movie, I don't care what the critics say... what's that? As in female Hawke of DA2? Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense, then.
"F.E.A.R 1, 2 and 3 put together.
So New Point Man and Paxton Fettel are raping Samuel Beckett while themselves getting fisted by Old Point Man.
Pretty much sums up my opinion of the game's quality."
What would my answer be?
Well, I was playing Sins of a Solar Empire last; which doesn't have a protagonist... so I suppose I'd have to kick back to the two games before that, which would be: my redhead female Horkew (wolf girl) character in Oblivion, and a male Nosferatu in Bloodlines (never have actually finished a playthrough as a sewer rat, so was trying again).
Now... I have watched some screwed up porn in my day -- and enacted some other screwed up stuff via video games and mods thereof... but I can say with pretty good certainty, that is one video I would not be buying a copy of. I... really don't want to see a Nosferatu naked, thanks. Like, at all. Ever. Even a female one.
So, what say you, moderately loyal readers? Care to play? Can you top my soul-scarring answer?
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go start a new Bloodlines game with a female Toreador character, answer the question again; and figure out a way to film that shit. I'll make a mint...