Having an introspective evening.
Not going to bore you all with the deeper ruminations of my twisted-on-a-good-day psyche; but I will say that my meandering eventually led me to the file tracking list on the Nexus. This, of course, saw me noticing that new images had been uploaded to the RR Master as well as Refurbished.
Looks like Fry has another version getting close to ready for drop.
Looks... nice. Really.
Seems he and I had several of the same ideas for the vault; save that he actually implemented his, rather than wasting time on other diversions.
New textures galore. It really is a class act.
If I still had any self esteem, this would bite a big hunk out of it. Does make me think that I'm likely wasting the time I put into my Remodel.
I have the GECK open in the background as I type this; the quest edit window open, showing the dialog for the new guarding options that don't even work.
This causes another though to occur: There is a difference between passion and obligation. This may seem obvious so some of you, but spend long enough, mired deeply enough in something, and if you have any sense of responsibility at all... that line begins to blur.
One day you look up and realize it's a year later, and that you're spending eight hours a day six days a week working on a mod - adding features you don't think it needs - and answering vapid questions from morons who would have difficulty powering on an iMac without fucking it up.
Granted, I've answered a lot of vapid questions in my various capacities as a gunsmith over the years... but when your day job sometimes involves making cement blocks explode from a hundred meters away it tends to buy some extra leeway in the bullshit department.
Sorry, memory lane. Anyway.
I hit that point with the mod a few months ago. Been largely in neutral since.
The whole row with the most recent malcontent really brought it into focus. I started thinking about just how little of the companion system's "features" I use. Armory, wardrobe, group orders, class changing, guard package, sleep system; it's all worthless to me.
Now I sit here, writing in more guard options. A movable home marker I don't think the mod even needs. Working on NPCs I don't like...
I can't change the vault. Can't make it what I want it to be. Can't make the residents not suck. Can't give it the story I want.
Why soldier on?
The question may well be rhetorical. I sure don't have an answer for it.
Then again, I don't have any answers for the rest of my life these days, either, so I suppose it's at least consistent.