"One of the members of my party has spent over 5,000 gold on prostitutes.
Let me repeat. His character has slept with over 500 prostitutes. Expensive prostitutes as well, considering that 10+ gold is a small fortune (you can buy, what, 1,000 chickens for that much money?).
Recently, he began to complain about how everyone else had better items than he did (we all had +3 weapons, while he only had a +2).
I pointed out that HE HAD BLOWN AWAY A GOOD PORTION OF HIS GOLD ON IMAGINARY BLOW JOBS, and he grew indignant. He said that while all of us were "rollplaying" and only caring about stats and combat, he was actually "roleplaying" and having his charcacter do what his character would do.
He finished by saying that it's not fair for him to be at a disadvantage because the rest of us were minmaxing munchkins.
By golly, after hearing all that, I felt rightfully ashamed. So ashamed, I gave him a portion of my gold so he could get a +3 weapon.
HE SPENT THE MONEY ON MORE WHORES."
...Can't comment... Laughing too hard...
That's priceless. I played D&D with a guy like that once. Put all his resources into doing stuff for his horse and then couldn't understand why he was always getting killed...
ReplyDelete"It's just not fair..."
Fools. Anyone should know that as a mighty, plot-armored PC, you should seduce the bar wench, and not pay for it.
ReplyDeleteI'd think a few pints and a retelling of the time you killed a minotaur with its own horn would have the farm girls linin' up to visit your room.
Of course, being the evil bastard that I am, I now have visions of recruiting an army of prostitutes to not only make money, but infiltrate the upper echelons of kingdom society and gather material for future blackmailing efforts.
Okay, now this is the point where you, the evil genius, need to make up your mind. Is it gonna be armies of Terminators or armies of prostitutes? Wait... forget I said anything. Knowing you, it will be armies of prostitute Terminators...
ReplyDeleteGENIUS!
ReplyDeleteTerminators with pr0n-star bodies, who are programmed kill or... uhh... do taxes...
Yeah, that's it... CPA bots... >_>
...must repress it...
COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!
Damn, couldn't hold it in. (and yeah, that was bad even for me...)